Dethklok Through A Klokateers Eyes
by BendingMetal
Summary: Dethklok wouldn't be able to function without the Klokateers. This story follows one Klokateer as she tries to protect the band. T, because its Metal. Please Review.
1. Intro

This story involves my own Klokateer, Katrina, and the struggles she goes through to ensure Dethklok is safe.

Disclaimer: Only own Katrina. Not Dethklok.

Introduction to Number 167 (Not that important)

Number 167 was special because she refused to let her name go. She was Number 167 to everyone but herself. After observing her fellow Klokateers, Katrina decided that once you lost you're name, you lost yourself, became expendable, and you would die. By keeping her identity, she liked to believe she lived longer. Because she had managed to live so long, surviving the freak accidents that plagued the workers of Dethklok, she had been promoted to head bodyguard. Katrina worked out strenuously, had quick reflexes, and all the other skills you could gain from living long. She was in charge of the Klokateers that surrounded the boys. This proved to be a daunting task, but they were all loyal. Like the other Dethklok employees, she wore the customary black hood, brown hair cut short, in the unisex, black, and sleeveless uniform. It was difficult to tell the men and women Klokateers apart in the uniforms. They all blended into one faceless mass.

It had grown easy, to stand by the doorway, unmoving, guarding it. Even if Dethklok was home and safe, they were constantly surrounded by Klokateers. It wasn't so much that they were afraid of someone breaking into Mordhaus, but so they could protect the boys from themselves. The five rock gods were drinking in the hot tub, abandoned clothing currently being collected and folded by Klokateers. Usually, each member of Dethklok had three personal Klokateers. One was their personal bodyguard, another was their maid, and the third was simply there for them to order around. Rarely did Katrina pay any attention to what the guys were doing, but today was an exception. Usually she was constantly scanning the room, focusing on any potential threats, or ran over strategic maneuvers in her head to run by Ofdensen later. Today, however, the boys had intrigued her, by discussing what they would do if they had a million dollars.

"Just think, a million dollars to do whatever the f(guitar riff) you want to." Nathan started. "You could buy whatever you want!" Even though she was trained not to make a sound, even when she wanted to laugh, Katrina couldn't help but think it was ironic, considering that each member of the band was worth billions. "I know what I'd do, if I had a million bucksch." Murderface jumped right in. "I would schtart my own band! I even know what I'd call it." Gesturing in front of him, as if he was seeing the name in lights, he declared, "Planet Pissch." He went all starry-eyed, but his fantasy was interrupted by Skwisgaar. "Pfft, thats is dildos." Before he could say anymore, Murderface erupted, "Oh yeah? Well, maybe I'll just go kill myschelf! Would that be dildosch?" He pulled his knife out of nowhere, and started stabbing the floor outside the hot tub. "Yous already ins a bands. Whys you wants be's in 'nuver bands?" Toki asked, confused. He looked at Skwisgaar for an explanation, who merely started plucking the strings of his guitar. Katrina listened as this unfolded, fascinated. "Well, if you're scho schmart, why don't you tell usch what you would do with a million bucksch!" Murderface yelled, angry that no one really cared about his idea. "I woulds buy a turtles." Toki stated very matter-of-factly. "Um, Toki, sorry to break it to you, but turtles are just not very metal." Nathan said after taking a deep swing from his beer. "They ares toos. Theys are the onlys animalas that carries theirs homes with thems wherevers theys goes. Theys moves so slows, theys easy preys. Theys evens bites ifs theys mads." Toki defended his would-be pets, and Nathan answered after a little consideration. "Whoa, I guess they are pretty brutal after all. Maybe I'll get one too…" He trailed off and pulled out his ever-present tape recorder. "Song idea, turtle bursts out of shell, massacres everyone…," he mumbled into it. The other band members ignored him, and Pickles grew aware enough of his surroundings to say something. "Dood, are we talking about what we'd do with a million dollars? I know what I'd do! I'd tour the world!" Just as the other guys were going to shoot down this idea, he continued. "Yeah, dood, I would try the different boozes all over the world!" He downed a full beer in one breath, before passing out. Katrina motioned for his personal bodyguard to take him out of the hot tub, and to make sure he was still alive. The other members didn't react to this, seeing as how it was a daily occurrence, and continued talking. "Well, ifs I hads a millions dollar, I would kills all the mens my sluts ofs a mudders has evers slepts withs." Without another word, he furiously plucked at the strings of his Gibson Explorer. It was surprising that he acknowledged her existence. Katrina knew a little about the history of each of the boys, but a lot was still secret. She noticed that Toki had dozed off, and his head was sinking forward into the water. She allowed one of the Klokateers to pull his head up, but let him remain in the hot tub. "Well, if I had a million dollars, I would buy my own country." Nathan paused for a moment after saying this, to let it sink in. "I would call it Explosion Nation. I would be able to do whatever the f(guitar riff) I wanted in it, and I would place strip clubs, and bars, and casinos, and I wouldn't have to pay s(guitar riff). It would all be free, but only for me. Everyone else would have to pay. Even you ass(guitar riff)." After a few seconds of silence, the members cheered and agreed that is what they would want. Smiling under her hood, Katrina quickly controlled her laughter. Even though she had not changed in her outward stature, she felt almost ashamed that she let herself be amused by their antics. After their conversation died down, Katrina sensed it was time to step forward. "My lords," She started, in her most formal tone, addressing the conscious three. "Perhaps it is time to retire, my masters. It is getting rather late." Actually, it was around four in the morning, but that wasn't considered early in the morning to them. "Yeah, sure, whatevers." They all mumbled, half asleep/passed out anyway.

She gave the signal for her Klokateers to help the naked members out of the hot tub, and to take them to their rooms. They quickly accomplished this, with her not far behind them. The Klokateers had to half-carry the band to their rooms. Toki wasn't drunk, but since he was so child-like and had fallen asleep in the hot tub, he had to be carried. Once they were all placed in their rooms, Katrina took the opportunity to take a quick, hot shower and changed into a clean uniform. Even if she stayed far away from the drunk boys, they still managed to throw up on her. With the boys unusual sleep patterns, Klokateer 167 was lucky if she managed to get four hours of sleep every twenty-four hours. She felt it was her responsibility to always be watching the boys when they were awake, even if they did have an army of Klokateers around them. She had to stay up as late as Skwisgaar, to ensure that his latest GMILF was out of his room and he was asleep. She had to be up early to watch over Toki, who woke up the earliest. Katrina made a final round, checking inside the rooms of the boys. After taking the knife out of Murderface's hand so he wouldn't help himself, removing the empty beer bottles and other drug leftovers from Pickle's bed, turning off Nathan's tape recorder and setting it next to his clothes for tomorrow, turning on Toki's nightlight and tucking him in, and shooing the latest screw out of Skwisgaar's room and clearing the room of the stink of sex, she finally managed to get to her own bed. The nice thing about being the head bodyguard, was that she got her own, private room, instead of sharing like everyone else did. There were several televisions in her room, with camera feeds of the hallways. Each Dethklok member lived on his own private floor, and she had a camera for each hallway. Klokateers were stationed outside their doors, at the stairways, and at every possible doorway that could lead you to the boys. Feeling satisfied, Katrina collapsed on her double bed, and quickly fell into a light sleep. Far off in Mordhaus there were Klokateers watching the same exact same screens that were in her room, and a lot of other television screens showing almost every inch of Mordhaus. If there were any problems, they would wake her up and wait for her commands. The only places there weren't cameras, were in the boys' personal rooms, and the Klokateers' rooms. Because no one cares about them, and that is metal.

Alright, so I republished this after working on it a bit more. I decided I didn't care if people were bothered with OCs, and that is metal. ;)


	2. Missing Pickle

So the second part. I am thinking of moving into events that happened during the series soon, but haven't decided.

Disclaimer: Don't own Dethklok or Metalocalypse. Just Katrina.

The boys were sitting around the dining/conference table. Ofdensen was standing at the head of the table, and was trying his very best to get them to focus. "Well, boys, I know you are all hung-over, but we still need to focus on your next album. The release date is coming up and…" He was interrupted by Pickles. "Dood, are you freakin' serious right now? It is way too early to talk business and stuff!" He paused, but before anyone could register what he just said, he continued. "At least, not without some beer to make the hangover go away!" He downed a beer in one gulp, and slammed it down on the table. "Alright, fire away, big man." He drank another beer as Ofdensen spoke. "Alright, well, thank you, Pickles. Anyway…" He was interrupted this time by Murderface, who thrust his knife into the table, barely missing his plate of meat, and spoke. "We would have the album done, if Schomeone would just schtop being schuch a dick about our schongs." He directed a glare at Nathan, who just ignored him. He seemed too hung-over to really care about what anyone said. "I don'ts sees what's is so bads about these meeting." Toki said cheerfully, taking a break from shoving colorful cereal in his mouth. "Theys fun." Skwisgaar groaned, and answered, "Tokis, is too earlies. Just lets manager mans talks." Toki, who was the only one who had eaten any of his food, turned to the plate of waffles next to him. Murderface stabbed his food repeatedly, and the others had just played with the gourmet breakfast prepared personally for them. Charles surveyed them, realizing he wouldn't get anywhere with them in their current state, and sighed. "We can continue this another time. Go ahead and uh, go back to bed or something." He said, and left the room. It didn't bother him that the boys didn't care about the business aspect of the band, but he felt he should still try to make an effort.

Dethklok took their manager's advice, and wandered out of the room. Toki went into the main room, the one with the huge TV and various video games. He turned on the cartoons, which had been turned very metal and brutal, and sat down, mesmerized by the cartoon violence. Skwisgaar was the next band member to show up, never being far away from Toki. He started playing his guitar, even though it wasn't plugged into an amp, and seemed to disappear into his own world. Skwisgaar considered making fun of Toki for watching the baby's shows, but decided that he was too tired and he hurt too much to say anything. Next to show up, was Murderface, with three Klokateers following him nervously. He was muttering something about how his head hurt so bad, he just had to kill something. They were trying to get his knives away from him, so he wouldn't kill the rest of Dethklok. "Ah, f(guitar riff) you!" He shouted as they made another attempt to grab them. Murderface stabbed one of the Klokateers in the chest, killing him instantly. As he slumped over, the knife was pulled out of the angry, hung-over bass player's hand. He stumbled over to the TV, shoving Toki out of the way so he could control the foot remote. "Why would anyone watch this s(guitar riff)?" He quickly changed it to an all-civil war channel, dedicated to his interest. Toki sighed, but didn't fight with Murderface. Instead, he left the room, probably to go build another model. Skwisgaar also left, just as Nathan walked in. He looked around the room, noticing Pickles wasn't there. Feeling a strange sense of responsibility, he went to go find Ofdensen, who wasn't hung over and who could think clearly.

Ofdensen was filing some paperwork in his office, when Nathan entered the room. "Hey, uh, we can't find Pickles." He said, not beating around the bush. "You should probably find him." Charles pressed a button under his desk, and a huge TV came out of the ceiling in front of him. Nathan stepped in front of the TV, impressed. Charles quickly scanned all the rooms Pickles could be in, but found no trace of him, not even a beer bottle. Realizing just how bad this could be, he called several Klokateers into his room. "I want you to gather the boys and meet in the living room." He quickly said, and started there himself. "Wait, what is going on?" Nathan asked, a few minutes behind. "We have to go Across the room, Murderface's bodyguard reacted, placing his hand by his ear as she spoke. "A member of Dethklok has been lost. Within minutes, the four rock gods whose positions were known, were grumbling in the room.

"You, check the surveillance recordings for his last known position." "We have to keep Dethklok here together, until we can determine this isn't a kidnapping." "Hey, someone better tell us what the f(guitar riff) is going on." Nathan growled. "Pickles has disappeared. Until we know if it is a kidnapping or if he managed to wander away." The other members grumbled, and Skwisgaar complained, "Pickle was nots kidnaps. He probabablys justs drunks somewheres." we have discovered that Pickles managed to slip away and find his way to the garage. He was, quite drunk." He explained. "He took one of Lord Murderface's limos, and drove off." "What!" Murderface interrupted. "He took one of my limosch? I'm going to kill that m(guitar riff)f(guitar riff)!" Ofdensen didn't even sigh in exasperation, even though none of them realized how bad this situation was. "Let's go get him." They were about to leave when Toki spoke up. "Waits, cants we comes with yous?" They took the train car, going the direction they thought Pickles might have gone. looking for whatever might have caught the drunken drummer's short attention span. The answer became clear once they passed a sign advertising a carnival. They immediately turned there, and in second had crashed through the parking lot, leaving a line of carnage behind them. Ignoring the flaming cars and bloody people behind them, they made their way into the carnival, followed closely by Dethklok, who were surrounded by a small army of Klokateers.

It didn't take them long to find him, following the gathering crowd of fans. "Whoo hoo!" they heard him yell, and found him riding the Hurricane. His cheering was interrupted as he vomited, and followed by sounds of disgust and delight from the fans. "Whats is this magicals place?" An awed Toki asked from inside the circle of protection. "This place, young Tokis, is a cosnivikals." Skwisgaar informed the Norwegian. Nathan sighed, and said to Murderface, "Pickles better be alright. If he's not, I'm not going to be the one to tell them they are wrong." Murderface almost agreed, while still trying to sound like he didn't care. "Only if I get to call them doucebags." As they reached the exit of the carnival ride, an intoxicated and nauseous Pickles stumbled towards them. "Doods!" He yelled at them. "You should try this!" He vomited on himself, and he slurred, "Doods, this place is awesome! You just haves to try…" The rest of his words became garbled, but he mumbled something about spinning rides that spin. "Oh, cans we, cans we?" Toki asked excitedly. "I guess we could, you know, ride a few of the rides…" Nathan said, and Toki reacted by starting to jump up and down. "Yeas! I wants to goes on that's ones!" He pointed to the merry-go-round, which had a huge line in front of it.

They got in line, waiting as patiently as Dethklok could. After barely a minute, Murderface burst out, "I hate linesch! Thesche people schould juscht get out of our way!" Moments later, an army of Klokateers swarmed around them. One handed her a microphone, and others set up huge speakers. "Attention, all carnival goers. This is a warning, that if you do not clear out of the park within five minutes, we will take action. Anyone left will be immediately executed." They all looked around, confused, until Number 167 took out a handgun, and shot someone. Scared and confused, they scrambled out of the fair. Exactly five minutes later, Katrina and the other Klokateers opened fire on any stragglers. "Dood, why couldn't you guys get here sooner?" Pickles slurred, and they jumped onto the ride.

They stayed in the amusement park until dark, with Klokateers operating the rides. Only seven died by getting caught in the rides moving parts. The boys were just coming out of the haunted house after going through it fourteen times, and this time it seems that they had hidden around the mannequins and other props. Toki was the first out, looking shaken and upset. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, and had peed his pants. "Aw, come on, dood, it was a joke." Pickles tried to explain as he followed Toki out. Skwisgaar followed, saying, "Yeah Tokis, donts bes a little crybabies abouts it. Wes only tryings to be makings jokes." Murderface added, "yeah, don't be schuch a dick about it." Pickles didn't say anything, just came out quietly giggling to himself.

Katrina stepped forward, between the boys and Toki. Closer to him, she could hear he was mumbling something in Norwegian. Luckily, she had learned Swedish and Norwegian after joining as a Klokateer, and could understand him. "Monsters, coming from nowhere, from the shadows. Emerging, to get me." Acting on an instinct, she placed an arm around his shoulders and led him towards a group of Klokateers, muttering encouraging things to calm him down in Norwegian. Stepping into the middle of them, they all formed a circle and faced outwards. One of the Klokateers was packing around extra clothes for the boys, mostly so they could change out of puke-stained shirts. She pulled out a pair of pants for Toki, handing them to him. he was calming down, and accepted them. She turned around, and he quickly managed to change. Toki walked out of the circle, glaring at his bandmates. "that was not the funnies." He said, and Katrina knew it would be all right. Deciding it was time to end this, she, led the boys through the empty park, towards their train car to bring them home.


	3. Near Death

In celebration of the new episode coming out this weekend (YAY) I decided to upload another chapter to this story.

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><p>The last thing Katrina thought would happen after last weeks carnival disaster, was that the Klokateers would lose Dethklok again. Out of frustration, she had killed all five of their private bodyguards, and had decided that they would not be replaced. She had left for five minutes to talk to Ofdensen, and the boys had disappeared. "Seriously, how do they manage to lose the five most brutal people in the world? They are not that smart…" She mumbled to herself, darting down the hall. Thanks to the cameras, she knew they had all went to the garage together, drunk. As she followed them down, she tried to stop herself from worrying how far they got. Number 167 was able to breathe easy, however, once she stepped through the open door into the garage. Dethklok was still there, just admiring the many vehicles stored here.<p>

"Whoa! I didn't know we had hovercrafts!" she heard Nathan yell echoing towards her. This made Katrina nervous again. As she got closer, she could see the boys were admiring the shiny crafts. In the distance, she could also see the Dethcopter being loaded, getting ready for their next concert. Klokateers diligently brought in the supplies for the chef, including a brand new oven. "Well, what are we waiting for?" Murderface said in response to Nathan. "Yous think it fines for us to rideds thems?" Toki asked, slightly concerned. "Of courses not, sillys Toki. Theys belongses to us, so's we cans rideds them." Skwisgaar answered as Pickles walked over to the machines. "Dood, you, Klokateer, how do you work these things?" He asked Katrina. She hesitated, but had to answer, since he directly asked her. "My lord, you simply stand on it, and turn the blue knob to go up." She demonstrated with one of the machines. It hummed to life as she stepped on it, being weight sensitive, and turning the knob slightly caused it to rise. The boys followed her example, and she tried to add, "My lords, perhaps you should not, the hovercrafts can be dangerous." However, they were already off, quickly figuring out that you could go forward by leaning forward. Number 167 quickly followed them, trailing after the hooting band. They flew over the other vehicles, heading forward toward the Dethcopter. The boys were not going very fast, until Toki and Skwisgaar decided to race. They zoomed ahead, but Katrina immediately saw a problem. They didn't know how to turn yet, because you had to twist the handle of the direction you wanted to go, like revving a motorcycle. She had to think fast, because they were on a collision course with the Dethcopter. Pushing her machine to its limits, Number 167 caught up to the boys. By jumping onto Skwisgaar's hovercraft, she unbalanced it and it sank to the ground. Toki's hovercraft was going to be harder to stop. He was laughing wildly, yelling, "I's wins! I's wins!" By unceremoniously pushing Skwisgaar onto the floor, she rushed to catch up to Toki. Luckily, Toki had slowed down, still cheering. Even though she quickly reached him, Katrina's only option to stop him from crashing, was to tackle him, once she was close enough. Knocking him off his hovercraft, it kept flying forward, right at the Dethcopter. She managed to twist in midair, so that when they hit the concrete floor, Toki had a human landing cushion. Meanwhile, Toki's hovercraft slammed into the face of the chef as he was coming down the ramp. Nathan, Murderface, and Pickles all had slowed down to watch the event unfold. As the chef's blood spattered over them all, Katrina lay on the floor, bruised and with at least one rib broken. Toki rolled off her, looking down at her alarmed. "Whoa, that was brutal." Nathan said with approval. "Too bad, you know, we can't see that again." Number 167 groaned, but ignored the pain and stood up. The room spun, but she remained steady. "My lords, every hovercraft comes with a camera. You can easily re-see the splattering of the chef's brains." She explained. They all muttered their approval, and wandered off to their bedrooms after some prompting from her. Once they were gone, she fell to her knees. The pain was overwhelming, but she fought to stay conscious. The speed they were going at, and how solid Toki was, managed to hurt even her. "Heys, is yous all rights?" Toki had come back into the room, and was watching her. Katrina managed to stand up, and said, "Master Wartooth, I am fine, do not worry about me. You should go to bed." She tried to keep the pain out of her voice, but failed. "Lets me helps yous." He said, but she rejected him. "I will be fine. I will go to the medical wing and they can help me." She regained her composure, pushing away the pain. Toki followed her as she walked out of the garage, and finally spoke again when they were halfway to the medical wing. "Yous, beens arounds a lots, rights? Was you what that helpeds me at the cosnivikarals." She nodded, ignoring the wave of pain that followed. "I just wants to says thanks yous, thens." Katrina paused, surprised. Finally, she managed to speak. "My Lord, it is my job. I am glad I am able to help you."

They arrived at the hospital wing, and Toki left her as she entered the hospital wing. It shocked her that Toki approached her to thank her, even though he was the most sensitive of the band. Inside the hospital, the doctor was surprised to see someone brought in that would survive. When he took x-rays, it was shown that Katrina had three broken ribs and severe bruising, but otherwise was fine. She refused painkillers, but allowed him to bandage them up. Then, she hurried to make sure her boys were safe. Of course, they were, and she was able to rest.

The chef survived, even though his whole face had been pushed into his skull from the hovercraft. Nathan had figured out how to access the recorded video, and they repeatedly watched the accident, playing with the slow motion and all the angles that different cameras had managed to capture. As they watched it again, Nathan tried to verbalize his thoughts. "I was…uh…you know, thinking. And uh, it seems there are a lot of cameras around here." His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to complete his train of thought. "Uh…where was I going with this…uh…" He trailed off, and Pickles tried to pick up on where he left off. "We seem to be watched all the time, huh?" Katrina was surprised his sentence and thought was so clear, as Nathan agreed. "Yeah, I think that is what I was going to say." He turned to Katrina, the only Klokateer in the room, and asked accusingly, "Why?" she had to think of an answer quickly, and finally managed to say, "My lords, we have so many cameras for your own safety. It is to keep track of any intruders or visitors to Mordhaus. They also help in case any of you decide to run away." They contemplated this, and Nathan came up with another question. "Who watches the cameras?" Before she could answer, Ofdensen came in the room. He disliked coming into the main room, because he never knew what he would find there, but this time he made an exception. "Hello boys." He greeted them, and launched right into his reason for being there. "Your chef, the one whose face, uh, got smashed by a hovercraft, is requesting to see you. I think it would be in your best interest to visit him, see what he wants, you know, that kind of thing." Without really waiting for an answer, he left the room, leaving the boys to make a decision. Toki looked up from his place laying on the floor, watching the other rock gods as they argued over whether to go see him or not. Finally he sighed, and said, "I's goings, whethers yous going or nots." He stood up, and headed out of the room. The rest of they boys sighed and grumbled, but they all got up and eventually followed Toki.

When they were assembled in the chef's hospital room, he looked up solemnly at them. His face was heavily bandaged up, and parts of his face were metal. "My Masters Dethklok." He started, his voice muffled. "I have been told that I will survive, but that I will be unable to serve you. Therefore, I have come to a difficult decision." He sighed heavily before continuing. "The best way I can serve you, is by killing myself. I have a camera set up to capture it, and you can use it for your next album cover." He gestured to his left, towards the camera, and finished. "Goodbye, Dethklok. I hope I have served you well." With that, he pulled out a gun from under his pillow and shot himself in the head. Blood spattered everywhere.

After the Chef had killed himself, the search for a new one began. Ofdensen was considering a Frenchman, and was just waiting for his background check to come through. Meanwhile, Dethklok had agreed to use the video of the suicide as an album cover. They took one of the best, most brutal stills from the video, and the album sold million of copies. Number 167 fell into a robotic routine soon after. She started becoming too focused or too exhausted to think anymore, just mindlessly watched the boys. However, just when Number 167 thought she knew what to expect from Dethklok, they surprised her. It was early in the morning, at least for the nocturnal band, and they were all drinking coffee to ward off their hangovers.

"God, Rolgers is the best damn coffee." Nathan said after finishing another cup. "It isch not. Thisch Ethiopian s(guitar riff) is the bescht." Murderface argued, his coffee in front of him. "Nuh-uhs, the best coffee comes froms Sweden." Skwisgaar interjected his preference. "Doods, who gives a f(guitar riff)? Coffee is Coffee." Pickles sighed. "It's only good with vodka in it." Toki quietly said, "Duncan Hills is pretty good." The other rock gods ignored him, and continued arguing about what coffee is the best. Eventually, they started flinging coffee cups at each other, along with anything else they could reach. Number 167 stepped in then, intercepting a flying mug.

"My Lords, why don't you try each other's coffee, and choose the best?" Nathan paused, his arm raised, ready to throw another cup. "Hey, I like that. Then you can all see Rolgers is the best." they started arguing again, and Number 167 had the Klokateers quickly brew coffee of every possible brand. Dethklok didn't know what brand was what, and they had a cup from each brand. "I think, uh, number seven was the best." Nathan said, pouring himself another cup. They were all buzzed on coffee, and kept drinking from the number seven pot. "Yeah, dood, what coffee is it?" Pickles agreed, and Number 167 looked on the back of the number seven card. "My Lords, it is a brand called Duncan Hills, a relatively unusual coffee." She explained, and Toki gave a smug smile. "Wells, we needs mores." Skwisgaar said, ignoring her. She nodded, and one of the Klokateers went out to order more coffee grounds. The boys continued complimenting the coffee, until the Klokateer came back. "My Masters, I have bad news. It seems the Duncan Hills coffee company is going out of business. It is impossible to order any more coffee." He had barely finished before Nathan started yelling. "NOOOOOO!" Murderface was equally distressed. "We find a coffee we all like, and itsch going out of businessch?" Skwisgaar added onto Murderface's sentence, by saying, "That is the bulls(guitar riff)." Toki was the saddest, having drunken Duncan Hills Coffee the longest. "That's justs brutal." He said sadly. "Well, doods, we are Dethklok. Can't we do a f(guitar riff)ing thing about it?" Nathan stopped his screaming to agree. "Yeah! We should write a song! That would bring back the company, right?" He immediately wandered off, muttering possible song lyrics under his breath into his tape recorder. Pickles followed him, going to help with the beat and rhythm. Skwisgaar spoke next. "Well, Toki, let us goes to creates the guitars parts of the song." They both left also, leaving only Murderface. "Once again, I'm left all alone. Nobody caresch about me. I should juscht go kill myschelf." He had taken out his knife, and had started stabbing the table. From experience, she knew it was just one step away from him stabbing himself. All she could do was call another Klokateer to watch over him, and follow the other members. Surprisingly, they weren't in the recording studio, where they should have been. Asking some random Klokateer, she found out that they had wandered off in pairs. The Klokateer thought they had said something about seeing Ofdensen too.

Number 167 found the boys in the CFO's office, and she entered through the open door. "Let me get this right…" Nathan said slowly. "Anything we tell the Klokateers, ANYTHING, they have to do, right?" Ofdensen waited a few beats before answering. "Yes, Nathan, you can. But I suggest…" He was interrupted by Murderface entering the room. "Hey, what'sch going on?" Toki quickly explained, "Lawyer-mans has tolds us thats the Klokajaters haves to do anythings we tells thems." Skwisgaar shushed Toki, to hear what Ofdensen was going to say, but Murderface interrupted again. "Wow, anything?" He turned to Number 167. "You, schlap yourschelf." Without thinking, she slapped herself across the face. Afterwards, she was shocked by her own action. It slowly dawned on her just how machine-like she had become. "Dood, that was awesome! Now punch the wall as hard as you can." Again, she did as she was told, and didn't even cradle her throbbing hand. "Boys, I would, uh, advise you to not abuse the Klokateers, and to not leave dents in my walls." Ofdensen said, but they boys ignored him. Nathan rumbled, almost contemplatively, "So, if we told them to shoot their self, they would do it, huh?" Because it wasn't a direct order, she didn't have to do it. But she knew the situation was quickly escalating, and that her life was in danger. She quickly tried to remember her name. "Oh, please do nots makes them do's it. They's my friends." Toki burst out. He had watched quietly, but when he realized it was a Klokateer he knew, he didn't want them to get hurt. "Pfft donts bes such a cries babies. Theys ams just a klokajateers." Skwisgaar told Toki. "I, ah, would prefer it if you didn't kill that one. Number 167 here is one of the more experienced Klokateers, and your personal bodyguard." Ofdensen tried to intervene on her behalf. Skwisgaar rolled his eyes, and turned to Number 167. "Do's it. Shoots yourselves in the face." He ordered her. Automatically, without any second thought, she pulled out her gun. "Nos, donts dos it!" Toki cried out, and she lowered it. Skiwsgaar responsed with, "Pffts, they's do not matters." Toki, before Skwisgaar said anything more, shouted, "Looks! Theres one klokajateer! Orders them arounds!" Skwisgaar turned to the other Klokateer and ordered them to shoot themselves. They did, and as their corpse fell to the ground, Ofdensen sighed and pushed a button on his desk, calling in more Klokateers to clean up the mess. However, Dethklok was just getting started. Katrina watched, slightly amused, as they ordered her fellow Klokateers around. "You, stick your finger in that plug-in." Nathan ordered one. The scent of charred flesh filled the room. "Yous, beats up thems." Skwisgaar ordered. A small Klokateer was soon covered in the blood of a much bigger one. "Get me some booze!" Pickles told one fortunate Klokateer, who managed to escape. Ofdensen had gotten the room under control and was lecturing the boys about the proper way to treat your Klokateers by the time the booze arrived, and they took it and wandered out, forgetting everything Ofdensen had told them, and wandered off to complete the song. Number 18752 was able to count his lucky stars, until Ofdensen called him back. "You, what is your number?" He demanded. He quickly told Ofdensen, who gave him some news that both overjoyed, and distressed him. "Number 18752, you will aid Number 167 in protecting Dethklok. Congratulations and good luck. I will inform you of all your job expectations after the boys have fallen asleep." Number 18752 nodded, and also followed the boys down the hall. They had disappeared, but he managed to find them and Number 167 in the main room.

Unfortunately, Number 18752 did not last for two days. He died in an unfortunate hot tub accident. Replacing him was Number 21467, who managed to last an hour before he was impaled on a skewer. After these two unfortunate accidents, Ofdensen left the protecting of Dethklok up to Katrina.


End file.
